Letting go

Today marks three months since Saw See took the plunge to ordain as a temporary sayalay at the Nandaka Vihara meditation society. I’m immensely proud of her. Not many ladies would willingly part with their hair, even for a short period, and I must admit that my wife was very brave indeed. She had been thinking about this for many years but never quite felt ready for such a transformation. When she finally decided, I knew I had to stand beside her and give her my wholehearted support. After all, it was only for eight days, and her hair would grow back soon enough.

The past few months brought their own small challenges. As I had warned her, her silver and grey patches stood out more conspicuously as they grew, but she took it all in her stride. When she went outdoors for programmes, she often wore a headscarf, and naturally, she attracted curious glances. At first, I sensed her discomfort — people seemed to look at her as if she were recovering from some illness — but she soon grew accustomed to it.

I wouldn’t be writing this if Saw See herself had not shared her experience on Facebook. Now that she’s made it public, I might as well share it here too.

*To Be or Not to Be… a Sayalay*

“To be or not to be.”

This question has lingered in my mind for many years, especially whenever Nandaka Vihara announced its temporary ordination programme for adults.

To be ordained as a temporary Sayalay, even just once in my lifetime has always been on my wish list. Yet, letting go of my hair remained my biggest challenge (I must admit, vanity still had its hold on me!).

Curious, I once asked Bhante Dhammasubho, “Why should a layperson ordain at least once in their life?”

Bhante’s reply was both simple and profound: “To be the daughter or son of the Buddha.”

(Buddhaputta – son of the Buddha; Buddhadhītā – daughter of the Buddha*)

Later, I posed the same question to Bhante Mahanama, who wisely said, “To plant the seed of Dhamma for future lives.”

These two answers deeply touched my heart and gave me the courage to finally “lose my hair.”

I also remembered Bhante Revata’s gentle encouragement a few years ago. When I told him I had been thinking about ordaining for years, he smiled and said, “You just need a little push.” This time, I gave myself that big push and registered for the temporary ordination programme held from 30 August to 7 September 2025 at Nandaka Vihara.

Becoming a temporary Sayalay was a dream come true, truly the best gift I could ever give myself. The peace and tranquillity of the monastic life were beyond words. The morning and evening chantings, ovāda from the Chief Abbot, and Dhamma talks by Bhante Revata, Bhante Panadipa, Bhante Upasanta, and Bhante Punnacara filled each day with mindfulness and joy.

The piṇḍapāta (alms round) with the Sangha and fellow Sayalays was especially humbling, a sacred moment of walking in the footsteps of the Buddha. My meditation interview with Bhante Mahanama also helped deepen my practice and understanding.

I am deeply grateful to Bhante Dhammasubho and all the venerable teachers for their guidance and kindness. This journey has strengthened my faith in the Buddha, the Dhamma, and the Sangha. May I be blessed with the opportunity to ordain again in the near future.

I share all my merits with the Devas, the Sangha, my teachers, my mother, siblings, husband, children, and everyone who made this ordination possible for me.

I dedicate these merits to all beings, and to my departed relatives and friends, especially my beloved father. May they rejoice in these accumulated merits, be reborn in higher realms, and attain Nibbāna in the shortest possible time.

May all beings be well and happy wherever they may be.