Tan Heng Swee, 1945-2026

Well, today I just want to say that one of my friends from The Old Frees' Association passed away late on Monday night, on the very day of his 81st birthday. Tan Heng Swee died at the Sungai Bakap Hospital, more than two weeks after he had fallen down in his house for the very last time.

Although we were both OFA members, I didn't actually get to know Heng Swee until 2010. We were among those who attended the state funeral of Dr Lim Chong Eu. We got talking and somehow, the friendship grew from there. When I was hospitalised in 2013, Heng Swee was among the first people to come and visit me. I remember that very well and appreciated it a lot.

Ever since the death of his wife, Alice, three years ago, I had watched his health steadily deteriorate. In the last year or so, he had become so frail that even a walking stick was no longer much help. He kept falling down, sometimes repeatedly, although fortunately he never suffered any serious injury apart from the bruises. There were times when he told me that he had been lying on the floor for hours before he finally found the strength to get himself up.

I can write so much about him in the last years of his life because I had been visiting him almost every week, always carrying a bag of eggs to supplement his diet. So at least I was seeing him with some regularity, albeit only for a few minutes, and could keep an eye on how he was doing. I would also report back to some of our other friends and, occasionally, to his daughter in Australia. It was probably the least I could do.

I kept telling him that something had to change. Either he should consider checking himself into a nursing home or get himself a full-time live-in maid. But he steadfastly refused both options. He had a helper who came in once or twice a week, but that was obviously never going to be enough for someone who was falling down as often as he was.

His refusal had a lot to do with his stubbornness, and anyone who had known Heng Swee for any length of time would know what I mean. He was very loyal to his Old Frees friends and believed that he could always depend on us when he needed help. What he never seemed willing to accept was that there was only so much we could do.

All of his Old Frees friends lived far away from his house in Simpang Ampat and, besides, most of us are more or less his age. We're all getting on in years ourselves and beginning to have our own physical difficulties. Expecting one of us to rush over and lift up a grown man who had fallen on the floor was simply not realistic. But these were realities that Heng Swee chose to ignore. As an alternative, I even suggested that he should call his neighbours if he ever got into trouble. They were so much nearer than any of us and you never know when you might need their help one day. I tried explaining to him that, as we grow older, perhaps we should become a little more accommodating. But Heng Swee was stubborn right to the end and it also left him rather lonely.

And yet, despite all the challenges, he was my friend. I had known him for many years and I shall miss him. Strangely enough, I am also relieved that his struggles are now over. At least he no longer has to worry about falling down, lying helpless on the floor or trying to get himself back on his feet. Goodbye, Heng Swee. I shall miss you for the friendship we shared.