Oh, stop it!

When I flew down to Kuala Lumpur last month, I decided to do something rather drastic. Nothing dangerous or risky, mind you, it was just .... something drastic. You see, I ... wore ... a ... face ... mask!

Yes, like the thousands of kiasu air travellers who wished to keep away from the influenza A(H1N1) virus, I decided to don a face mask at the departure lounge, on board the aircraft and inside the transit bus. But hey, it's still safer to be on the safe side of health, right?

So there I was, with my face mask on, and - in the words of my daughter - camwhoring away in anonymity. Nobody to recognise you unless you are this one pair of celebrity couple from Hongkong who were in Malaysia recently for his "ancestor's" funeral. And I'm not anywhere close to being famous or infamous.

Anyway, I came across this titillating piece of "Malaysia Boleh" news reporting by Bernama, our esteemed national news agency. A story dated 9 Aug 2009 (that's a month ago) quoted someone as saying that masturbation and homosexual practices should be avoided as they are among preventive measures one could take against Influenza A (H1N1).

This person, a Dr VM Palaniappan, said that such activities caused the body to develop friction heat which in turn, would produce acid to make the body hyper-acidised.

"Thus, the body becomes an easy target for H1N1 infection," he told Bernama, emphasising however, that normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe.

Eh ... I think you'd better read the rest of the story by yourself here. A reminder, though, just following his advice would at the very least put you on his safe side, okay? No mask required!