Farts equal cleansing, blue equals ultraviolet

Had a short, rather flippant on-line conversation with a friend from the old office this morning. That was before he hurriedly left the office on a mission with the rest of the guys. For no other reason than a wish for anonymity, I have removed the name of the newspaper he was referring to. Here is the flow of my conversation but his rant:

me: sayy....you still drinkie lotsa coffie in offie?
Ted:  only 3 in 1, 2 in 1...seldom brew anymore...no one to drink
me:  i was told by a nutritionist yesterday to cut down because caffeine does no good to the bones
Ted:  i c... don't believe everything they say
me:  sure, i don't take in everything too but there are certain truths, i suppose
Ted:  (the newspapers are) also full of bullshit health claims. very bad science/health editing...  some stories are obvious advertisements for quack treatments/potions. if u can't tell i'm set off by one story...bullshit claim that blue LEDs can hurt your eyes
me:  didn't read that story
Ted:  they mix together a bunch of true recommendations about eye strain, with bullshit claims that blue LEDs damage your retina and try to suggest you buy some supplements to counteract it
me:  half truths
Ted:  and keep adding the word  'blue'  to 'ultraviolet' 
me:  haha
Ted:  ultraviolet of course does cause damage
me:  all this in yesterday's papers?
Ted:  just one story...but seems like every sunday i see some bullshit story like that. i don't mind the advertisements...but i think its bad for the public to put such things in as newspaper articles
me:  ahh....ted of little faith. of course, you must believe all the gospel truth in the newspapers you read. if it is in the papers, it must be true...
Ted:  i don't of course...but my chinese family does... in fact they have one of those bullshit oxygen generators bubbling their drinking water and they claim it makes them fitter and produces more farts
me:  oh no....don't they realise that they are contributing to the green house effect?
Ted:  they equate farts = cleansing, but of course their farts have nothing to do with the bubbled water

I would have loved to carry on with this fascinating small talk but unfortunately, he had weightier issues to consider, like having to run out for breakfast....