Sunday, 19 June 2011

Sex and the eclipsed moon

Did you miss the lunar eclipse on Thursday morning? There had been so much publicity worldwide about this astronomical event that you would have been totally caged indoors not to have noticed it. Well, I've got news for you: I missed it. Yes, and in a funny sort of way, I was caged indoors.

You see, it would have been impossible for me to leave the house on Thursday morning. Or last Monday morning. Or Tuesday moring. In fact, Wednesday and Friday mornings too. My immediate neighbour was in mourning. Their grand old patriarch had passed away, so the road was completely blocked up with their visitors' cars, tables and whatever else. Yes, it would have been impossible for me to creep out of my house in the dead of  night (pardon the pun) just for a spot of moon spotting.

So yes, I missed the lunar eclipse. And as a punishment, I can only enjoy it by looking at this series of photographs from people who were lucky enough to have watched the whole 100 minutes of it. Darn, right?

Anyway, it's important for any would-be moon watcher to know that there are many very important advices connected with the lunar eclipse. They are advice that must be observed. They are so important that you should also understand that there may be dire consequences if you break them. They are so simple but important. And they are so important that they must be simple enough so that you don't break them. Too bad if you have; just don't break them again. Understand???

Of all the very important advices, one that could prove to be the most important is, during a lunar eclipse, DON'T HAVE SEX. That's right, an astrologer from Mumbai, Dr Soniyaa Bhagiyaa, said that in the Hindu scriptures, a lunar eclipse is considered to be an extremely inauspicious omen. He never did say what sort of bad luck would befall disbelievers but this Very Important Advice is in this list of dos and don'ts that he issued:
* Do not sleep, eat or drink in the entire duration between 12.53 am to 3.33 am.
* Do not indulge in any kind of togetherness, including sexual intimacy
* Do not make use of scissors, knives, and needles
* Do not touch images and idols of deities
* Take bath at the start and end of the eclipse
* Do not subject yourself to any kind of entertainment
* Pregnant women are advised to not even watch the eclipse
* Chanting mantras or prayers will guarantee success because of the positive aura at the time of the eclipse
* Deeds of charity will bear fruits
Good God, come to think of it, I had broken most of them!


stephen said...

I hope you wore protection or shot blanks!!!!

Jeffrey Chew said...